Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the most dense thing yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These assistants, or hangons, are all family members and generate huge expense claims for no work done.

The 312 hangons are held together by morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Govermentium has no electrons, it is inert and considerably useless; however it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as little worthwhile energy as Governmentium, but with half as many peons and twice as many morons.

Based on an original e-mail from Brian McDermott